The Last Paragraph

So this will be the last time we're seeing each other. After this, we will continue our life, catching our dreams, finish what we've started before we were here.

Fairytale

Finally, I found the prince charming in my fairytale after I was going rough with the knight.

Him.

The one that I called as Nyonyo.

Being with him is like being in a fairytale. Although he never treat me like a princess--he knows I wouldn't like to. All those silly fights until those lovely ramble things between us are really that cute.

Like yesterday.

That Little Cute Guy

So, I close to a guy right now. He is my partner in the kitchen. We've already work together for 3 months so far. And I found that this guy is special.

First, I feel comfort to him as friend cause he just that nice and very cooperative as a working partner. He helps a lot. He never let me stand alone to face every obstacles while working. As the time goes by, he help me to control my bad temper so I can hold my anger when I fought my boss. Soon, I learn to be more patient from him.

From this young boy.

About M

So I saw you on your workplace today. You was on your sweat. Your reddish cheeks. You looked extremely exhausted. And my hand really want to wipe those sweats on your face. But I hold my self.

As I said hello and goodbye, you shout "cium dulu, baru boleh pergi" 

And I directly rose my middle finger-our antimainstream hand wave and you replied it well,

"F*ck you, Cella!"

F*ck you back, M

The Perks of Being Single

Dipikir-pikir, jadi single itu happy sekali. Bebas. Merdeka. Nggak ada yang ngatur-ngatur. Bodohnya aku, kenapa nggak dari dulu aku mensyukuri kesendirianku ini.

Jadi single itu enak, karena mau modus sana modus sini nggak ada yang jealous. Nggak ada yang perlu dijaga perasaannya.

Jadi single itu enak, deket sama siapa aja, main sama siapa aja, dikasih bunga dari siapa aja, juga nggak ada yg marah. 

Jadi single itu enak. Bisa temenan rasa pacaran sama siapa aja.

Jadi single itu enak. Nggak ada yang perlu di wajib laporin 1x24 jam lagi ini lagi itu, lagi disini lagi disitu, sama si A si B si C dan lain-lain.

Mungkin emang kesannya jadi single itu adalah sebuah peluang untuk seseorang, khususnya yg kayak aku, menjadi seorang player.

Ya emang.

Kayak petikan lagunya Taylor Swift yg judulnya Blank Space

"Love's a game, wanna play?"

So I play a little game with this guy. Lin, sebut saja begitu, he also a good player, very well experienced in this game and I think he deserve called as the expert.

I like the way he opens his arm, invite me to jump into his hug.

I like the way he pretends to be angry, and overly disappointed because I can't go out with him and his friends.

I like anyway he treats me like I'm truly his girl.

Even though he's already got someone in his heart but it is no harm to take some refresh air, right?

No More Bullshits

So I'm officially being single now.

I just ended up my fake relationship with that crying baby and now I feel super free. I feel like I get my life back. I feel alive!

So I don't want to share the detail of it but lemme advice him some thing so he won't be fooled by the same asshole like me next time.

1. Please, just be a gentleman. Just behave like an ordinary men that use more brain than heart. Please, stop being 'baper' of many things. Please, strengthen your heart to face every obstacle in your life. Don't be a tofu.

2. If you want to kiss her, just kiss her. Don't ask for permission. Kissing is the result of two connected feeling, not a purpose nor a mission that you need to accomplish as a proof that you already got a girlfriend.

3. Open your mind. It's a whole wide world. Go outside of your comfort zone. Meet new people. Explore more. There are infinite possibilities to learn and grow out there. So you will not only lovey-dovey-ing your girlfriend but also share your knowledge and experience to her. Compete with her.

4. Maintain your f*ckin mouth, because your mouth is actually the reflection of yourself. You can badmouthing about your ex-girlfriend, tell every detail of your activities to everyone and fake the intimacy between you and your ex while all of that is just a HUGE BULLSHIT, but people are actually laughing at how jerky you are in keeping your relationship.

5. Just living the life. Please, stop daydreaming. Don't overthink about the future of your relationship. Taste the bittersweet of love (if you call it so), and stop imagining that you will be happily ever after with her.

And now we have to move on. Time runs faster than you think

[HEARTBREAKER] The Reason

Remember the tagline that I put before I started the story?

"Every heartbreaker has their own reason"

If I may confess, Idk why wrote that and Idevenk why I made this series. It just came out from my head and voila I made it. I also never planned that one day, the words turned into a deathly curse like Voldemort's Avada-Kadavra spell and it was like a boomerang to me.

I broke someone's love because of my broken heart pieces. I stab someone's heart and slowly break it.

So I'm actually in a relationship right now.  It should be the sweetest thing in my life because I finally got somebody that really care about me after my family. I should be very happy because right now I can answer those people who keep asking doubting me about being single in my 20.

Somehow I feel nothing.

I don't feel any significant change in my life after I date this guy. I don't even feel the sensation of sudden heart attack when I'm with him. 

No I don't blame him for this zero feeling. No. I won't ever blame him. He such a nice guy. The kindest guy that I ever met. 

And I'm the antagonist role here. I screwed up this relationship by my super chronic damage personality.

It was a failure since the beginning. I asked him to date me without thinking that having relationship will take a lot of commitments and any other confusing thing which I called as sugary sh*ts. I just made it as joke but somehow he took it seriously and my second failure was accept him to be my boyf.

You know what?! The night after we officially dating, I suddenly woke up from a nightmare. It was a nightmare because I dreamt about J. 

And I was crying

I forgot that there was still an unfinished business about me and J. 

I was still hoping to be with him. 

I was still hoping that one day we can meet again and we will be together.

And the 3rd failure, I told my newly boyf about these messes in my mind. I knew that it would hit him very hard. It would hurt him. But I didn't have any choice. I should told him now because it won't change anything. Soon or later I will hurt him. I'm the douche bag who will break his heart because of my stupid-unfinished-crush. I will be the asshole that deserve his hatred.

But he managed to keep this relationships. He told me that I don't have to think about hurting him because he will make me fall to him.

I didn't believe his words because, yes, this is still early. Like a bee, he still sucks the sweet honey and hasn't taste the bitter part of the flower yet. He still feel the sugar of being in a relationship without realize that now he is living in his imaginary hopes of how wonderful having a girlf is but in reality it isn't at all. It may sounds rude but, please, wake up! You are the one who feel happy while I am not. I'm suffering to keep living the lies while you are daydreaming.

Now I'm turning into a total b*tch.

He keeps pouring his attention to me, throwing his sweetest word, even flirt me but all I can do is just verbally ignoring him. Like Taylor Swifts ever sing in Back To December :

"He gave me roses, and I left them all to die. 

You give me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye"

Idk what happen in myself. I always push all the people whose trying to help me. I just feel not comfortable when there's somebody worries about me, even my parents. Moreover, I hate the most when a guy tries to lovey-dovey on me or do something romantic. Ew, I got a goose-bump!

And terrifically, my newly boyf keep trying to lovey-dovey-ing on me even though I already said that I don't like such a thing. That keep reducing my feeling towards him.

I really don't know why I'm being like this but I believe that I'm totally damage. It is strange, you know, when a girl doesn't like to be treated like a princess. 

Do you know what the most f*cking thing right now is? I'm waiting for him to break me up. As soon as possible. So that I don't have to pretend to care about him and be happy around him anymore.

...because I'm the jerk who are not deserve such a kindness of a person like you. I'm an asshole who shouldn't messing more.

...and you keep believing that one day I can turn into a good person. No, I can't. I'll never be.

And that's how you will hurt yourself.  It seems like you're aiming a sword right in front your heart and you are asking me a favor to stab on it. 

So that you might understand, 

"Every heartbreaker has their own reason"